Last night I went to see the movie, BULLY. This is a powerful movie. It was devastating to view the loss, the anger, the sorrow, and the hopelessness.
BULLY is an emotional look inside the lives of families devastated by bullying. It is heartbreaking. Seeing the struggle of how the different communities deal with bullying made me angry. Angry at the denial that it was happening in their schools and communities. Angry at their lack of knowledge of what to do to change what was happening. Angry that the children featured had to suffer this on a daily basis.
Help us prevent this from happening to our children.

Talk with young people. Educate yourself on what you can do. Click on the movie’s website to find toolkits: http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html

Stand up if you see or hear bullying. Get involved with schools. Volunteer as an Asset Building Champion Reader in elementary schools. Partner with your local school to build assets. Support our youth. See this movie.
Several theatres in our area are showing BULLY. Project Cornerstone is sponsoring a special screening at the Camera 7 at the Pruneyard on Saturday, April 28th at 11:00 a.m. In partnership with Comedy Sportz there will be opportunities for debriefing and strategizing after the screening. Bring your thirteen or older young adult. Bring your friend. Bring your tissues.
One person can make a difference.

We were item #14 on the agenda!

THANK YOU!!

Project Cornerstone works to engage students, staff, and parents as asset builders in our schools. Increase the impact of asset building efforts in your school community by engaging as many people, in as many positive roles, as possible!

Look to “Add” to your school’s asset building by “Multiplying” your efforts to connect youth with staff, parents and peers.

Here’s how this new “Math” might “Factor” in your school community:

We are currently engaging our parent community as asset builders in ABC Readers. Great. Using asset building “Math”, let’s invite youth to build assets in the Expect Respect student training!  Then, “Add” another asset building option: Our Yard Duty staff would like to learn the ABC Language we teach kids. Let’s have Yard Duty training, too! That’s “Multiplying” our impact on campus!

We have had the student training, Expect Respect. Our staff is on board with building assets, and our parents read as part of Los Dichos de la Casa or ABC. Still, these seem like separate programs at our school. Using asset building “Math”, let’s integrate these programs and “Multiply” the effect for kids! Our Los Dichos/ABC readers can join the Expect Respect student group to help with Action Plans. The staff person in charge of the student group will be grateful for the extra hands and hearts! Los Dichos/ABC readers can also plan their time at school to be near recess or lunch and volunteer to be out on the yard to engage kids in activities to compliment the efforts of the Yard Duty. This is the magical “Multiplying” effect of asset builders!

We have a small, dedicated group of parent leaders but want to reach more of our parent community. Use your school’s communication systems (newsletters, website, posters, PTA meetings, phone calls) to invite parents to a Parent Education Night to learn the basics of asset building. Project Cornerstone has a menu of hot topics that will interest your parent community! Use a Parent Education Night to recruit ABC/Los Dichos Readers and Yard Duty or Fun-visors to be with kids at recess and lunch. Expand your asset building team to positively influence more kids!

Contact Project Cornerstone at info@ProjectCornerstone.org to share your ideas for “Multiplying” asset building efforts at your school!

Imagine then what it must be like to be an UPstander against a repressive, totalitaritian government. When being an Upstander reaches the level of political disagreement, one is given the label “dissident” by a government that hopes to silence that person. Yoani Sanchez is such a person. She and her husband, Rinaldo, along with their teenage son, Teo, live in a modest apartment in Central Havana – on the 14th floor of a building whose elevator is broken more than working. They consider their apartment their “bubble of freedom” where the truth can be spoken. Some of our group of SJSU students and faculty spent an afternoon and evening with Yoani, her family and several of their friends – exchanging ideas and learning in more depth what it has been like to grow up and into adulthood under the Castro regime.

Yoani is a blogger. President Obama is one of the followers of her blog – along with leaders and ordinary people all over the world. She has 200,000 followers on Twitter – but not in Cuba – since social media is blocked in Cuba. Yoani can’t even read her own blog once it’s posted – the government makes certain it is blocked.

Our time with this beautiful family two weeks ago was remarkable. One of the images that will stay with me forever is Yoani showing us her Cuban passport full of visas from other countries giving her permission to travel there. But since the Cuban government won’t allow her to leave the country, her passport has never been used. Over the years she has had permission at least 4 times to visit the US – the most recent to receive a special award from Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton – but she was not at that ceremony. Travel visas from at least 14 countries stuff the passport of Yoani Sanchez, an UPstander for her people, her country and anyone who believes in the freedoms we so often take for granted in the US.

We learned over the weekend that the Progressive Democratic Union in Spain had submitted 5 letters with the 5 institutions they have voting rights in, which includes the European Union, nominating Yoani Sanchez and one other Cuban dissident for the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize. The leaders of this political party in Spain believe “an extraordinary award is merited for those that do not have a voice in dictatorships.” The nominators are hopeful that giving these two opposers the Nobel Prize for Peace will empower all those people “who have no voice”, especially in those countries where the leadership is authoritarian.

Awards cover one entire wall of their apartment – to add the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize would be quite a coup. However, I have a feeling not even that prestigious award could mean more to her than what her 16 year old son said during our recent visit. One of our students asked him what he thought about the work his mother was doing. Without hesitating Teo said “I am proud of my mother. I think she is very brave and very valuable to the future of our country.” Suddenly it was just a mother and her son – a mother acting as an extraordinary role model for her child – and a child learning about values, social justice and freedom on a daily basis.

I was very lucky to be able to accompany a group of 20 students from San Jose State University to Havana, Cuba for almost two weeks in mid-January. We were lodged in a hotel in Old Havana so were in the best section of the city to get a feel for how the majority of the Cuban people live in their largest city. Here are a few things I learned during our time there:

• Extreme poverty does not need to impact academic achievement. Cuba has a 97% literacy rate and school is mandatory through at least the 9th grade. Most go on to the university for professional degrees as all education is free in Cuba, including the university. Teachers make only 20 pesos per month. Students are often using textbooks with yellowed pages. The only technology in classrooms was a TV. Giving a teacher a box of chalk or a student a pencil was like giving them $1,000,000. I tried to imagine putting an iPad in the hands of each of those children

• If I lived in Cuba, the government would issue me the following rations each month from my neighborhood bodega to feed my family: 5 pounds of rice. 5 pounds of sugar, 1 pound of coffee that has been mixed with beets to stretch it, “some beans” – it’s different every month, and if it’s a good month, I might also get a chicken. Additionally each child is given a liter of milk daily. If I were a teacher there – making that 20 pesos a month – I could add to the government rations by shopping in the government market – where a pound of coffee would take one fourth of my monthly salary. The ability of Cuban families to survive and thrive is amazing and admirable.

• Cell phones have just been allowed into the county during the last two years. With such limited income, few people actually own cell phones – so walking down a street in Old Havana means that people are still making eye contact, smiling, saying hello – building assets! Everyone is NOT talking or texting and walking. They are having conversations with the people around them. Children do not have digital games in their hands. In the two weeks I was there I saw only one child playing with a digital game and walking down the street. As with the adults – children are talking with each other!

• Extreme poverty does not mean that people don’t know and express their “spark”. We met a woman in her late 30’s selling peanuts – she walked down the same street every day and announced her presence by singing in an operatic voice that sounded as if she had years of professional training. Asked about that, she said – “no training – I was born with a gift inside.” As she speaks about her singing, her eyes sparkle and she flashes a smile that lets you know she is living her spark every day as she wanders down Obispo Street in Old Havana. She collects a peso for her peanuts – she collects smiles, praise and appreciation from everyone around her for sharing her voice. Asked if she had a dream for doing something with her voice in a bigger way she didn’t hesitate – “I want to travel to Rome and sing Ave Maria in one of those big plazas.” I left wondering how we can help make that happen!

One day in high school, I remember holding a transistor radio to my ear listening to the minute by minute reports of the Cuban missile blockade. The standoff between President Kennedy, Fidel Castro and Nikita Khrushchev had most of us believing we would be at war by the time school was out that day. Instead Khrushchev blinked and turned his ships full of additional missiles around. Cuba was a country that I never felt I would be able to travel, but life is full of surprises – and Cuba is a country worth spending time in. The people – they are full of determination, creativity, dreams and a desire to learn.

I returned home after a long day of travel feeling as if “my bucket had been filled” by these beautiful people who have so little of what we take for granted everyday – but so much of what we all seem to be looking for – meaningful connection with others that feed our spirits.

Let’s start with Support. Clearly, ongoing positive family communication about course selection, academic pressure and social inclusion/acceptance, combined with caring adults intentionally connecting with youth at school are preventive efforts that we can put in place immediately to address both issues.

What can you do? Engage youth in frequent conversations that allow you to both hear and act upon the youth voice, while communicating your own values and expectations. Get started at home by sharing family meals together, without the interruption or distraction of technology.

Blame for unrealistically high expectations and a narrow focus on performance rather than learning by all groups (parents, teachers, college boards, coaches, peers) may be the broader explanation for raising indifferent learners. However, this same indifference and lack of connection is at the root of bullying, too. A consistent, redundant and intentional devotion to first connecting with youth, then teaching AP Calculus or correcting put-downs and exclusion behaviors by our whole community is required. If rigor, relevance and learning engagement were present, why would one cheat? If connection, belonging and support were present, why would one degrade others?

Next, let’s focus on Empowerment. Youth who contribute to their world; who are invited to join the conversation; who feel valued, respected and known; are gaining lifelong attitudes about learning, about inter-personal competence and about their positive place in our world. When we believe in youth, they begin to believe in themselves!

What can you do? Give youth meaningful opportunities to contribute at home and in the community. Start by re-naming “chores” as a contribution to our family’s well being. Let youth contribute to family mealtime by playing a role in the planning, shopping, preparation or clean up of the meal. Because time together as a family is important to us, we all work together to make it happen!

According to Project Cornerstone’s 2010 survey of youth in Santa Clara county, youth with positive connections to caring adults and peers are more likely to engage in pro-social behaviors like increased GPA, valuing diversity and positive conflict resolution.

What can you do? Tell youth stories of struggle, of overcoming frustration and the joy of discovering or learning something new. Then, help them find their own stories, and finally become the story of thriving that they are meant to tell.

Certainly, we can use our positive relationships to guide youth by providing Boundaries that keep them safe. Boundaries are good for kids. Conversations about the value behind rules (at home and at school) allow youth to see the relevance of the boundaries. When youth understand the value behind the rule, and they do not want to disappoint caring adults, their actions are more likely to remain “in bounds”.

What can you do? Although both the rule and the relationship are important, establishing a connection before imposing a correction is the asset builder’s secret weapon!

Lastly, explore their world. How do youth spend their (Constructive Use of) Time? Help youth find or regain the balance that they need to thrive. Help guide youth by helping them identify and pursue their sparks and passions. But do not neglect to help them balance rigor and challenges with time and activities that refresh and refuel them.

What can you do? Time engaged as a family, sharing meals and stories of our day are ways that families can share their values and really hear (and empathize with) the struggles and pressures youth face. 

The struggles, frustrations and conflicts discussed in these articles aren’t just kid stuff.  We adults feel enormous peer pressure (by our peers; other parents) when enforcing rules, reporting SAT scores, college acceptance/rejection letters, Prom Queen status, etc. Backstabbing doesn’t quit at graduation, either. Workplaces are filled with lies, cheating and intolerance.  Getting along with other human beings, self-regulation and delayed gratification are hard. That being said, we are the adults. Let’s not exclusively saddle youth with solving problems we find hard to tackle, too.

For more information about building assets in youth (and adults), visit www.ProjectCornerstone.org 

Our Take It Personally adult study group is a great place to get started sharing ideas for creating a safer and more caring community where all youth (and adults) thrive.

Most readers and experts agree that the storyline is superb and the book very well written.
John Green of the New York Times writes, “Brilliantly plotted and perfectly paced.”

There is also no argument that there are some violent themes in this series.

On the back of book 1 there is a review from Stephen King:
“A violent, jarring, speed-rap of a novel that generates nearly constant suspense …”

As teens, tweens, and children all over America are digging into this book, many parents are left wondering, is this book/movie appropriate for my child?

Common Sense Media is one place you can get help answering this question.
All the content is free!

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

Common Sense rates all kinds of entertainment including movies, video games, books, TV shows, and websites. Ratings are done by paid professionals of all ages.
Ratings information comes from educators as well as kids.
Its easy to see ratings by the following categories:

Educational value:
Positive messages:
Positive role models:
Violence:
Sex:
Language:
Consumerism:
Drinking, drugs, & smoking:

Another great feature is that Common Sense lists great questions that you can discuss with your child about a given movie or book.

After reading the reviews, lets say you agree to allow your child to read Hunger Games.
Why not read the book alongside your child?

Reading a book together (or around the same time as each other) and discussing it can be a lot of fun AND can build ALL of the following assets:

Asset #1. FAMILY SUPPORT Family life provides high levels of love and support.
Asset #2. POSITIVE FAMILY COMMUNICATION Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s).
Asset #14. ADULT ROLE MODELS Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.
Asset #20. TIME AT HOME For elementary school students: Young person spends some time most days both in high-quality interaction with parents and doing things at home other than watching TV or playing video games.
Asset #25. READING FOR PLEASURE Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.

Aside from Suzanne Collins, below are some other authors whose books appeal to kids and adults alike:

Carl Hiaasen
Louis Sachar
Linda Buckley-Archer

On my walk back to the car last night, I felt like we still have so much to do. Yet, in our county, we have 3000+ caring adults volunteering to read ABC books and connecting with youth every month. We have staff doing intentional asset building as a teaching strategy, we have administrators who know the power of assets and who put student safety and a caring school climate as a top priority. We have made great progress in providing youth with safety nets so that they feel connected at school, feel support of peers and caring adults and know that school is a place where they belong.

Thanks to 11 years of asset building with Project Cornerstone in our county and the active engagement of school staff, youth, parents and community volunteers, I believe that we are becoming a safer, more caring place for kids. But we are not there, yet. I hope that this film will inspire more adults to become UPstanders; to notice kids; to believe in kids; to be the one kids can count on.

So, what’s next? Need an “Action Item” to keep the conversation going following the film? My first step to becoming more intentional and purposeful about asset building was Project Cornerstone’s Take It Personally study group. This 6-week series of classes allows us to share ideas for building assets in all kids. I think it is a perfect forum for continuing the conversations begun in the movie, BULLY. To learn more about Take It Personally, contact Project Cornerstone at info@ProjectCornerstone.org Help us coordinate a Take It Personally study group at your school site. It is a perfect “Action Item” to take away from the film.

Lunar New Year provides a wonderful opportunity to focus on the following assets:

• #41 Positive Cultural Identity
• #34 Cultural Competence
• #17 Creative Activities

This celebration begins on the first day of a new moon and continues for 15 days until the next lunar cycle begins. This year the Lunar New Year began on January 23rd and is still underway.

In many Asian cultures, the calendar is based on the lunar calendar, which means it is guided by the cycle of the moon instead of the calendar we use here in the United States which is based on the movement of the earth around the sun. The lunar calendar follows a cycle of twelve years with each year represented by an animal. This year we are celebrating the year of the dragon. In ancient China only the Emperor could wear a dragon on his clothing. The ancient Chinese believed that dragons were a symbol of power, strength, success, luck and honor.

Lunar New Year is a time of celebration that includes feasting with family, fireworks, and gift-giving. Take time to share this holiday with your family. The more we expose our children to various cultures and traditions, the greater the opportunities for them to gain a sense of respect and understanding for the diversity around them. For children of Asian descent – they will begin to feel a greater sense of pride in their own cultural identity and a strong sense of self. This is what asset building is all about – finding opportunities to make children and youth feel valued, respected and seen and inspiring them to respect and value others.

There are many wonderful children’s books that you can share with your children regarding Lunar New Year and the legend of the Zodiac, one book we recommend is The Story of the Chinese Zodiac retold by Monica Chang and Illustrated by Arthur Lee. It is available in English/Spanish, English/Korean, English/Mandarin, and several other languages. It tells the legend of how the animals for each lunar year were chosen.

There are also many wonderful activities you can do with your children to honor the year of the dragon. Here are few fun suggestions:
• Have your children draw and color the head and tail of a dragon, than take a piece of construction paper and fold it like an accordion and staple it to the head and tail. You may also tape it to a straw or popsicle stick in order to wave it in the air.
• Make a Zodiac calendar. Draw and color all the animals in the Zodiac, next cut them out and paste them onto a paper plate. They may choose to color their name in the center of the plate or decorate it with other designs.
• Many additional activities, coloring sheets and bookmarks may be found at: www.ActivityVillage.co.uk
Asset building is simple; we just need to intentionally make time to do it. “Take a second. Make a difference!”

When teased, youth sometimes fall into a habit of feeling hurt, upset, and victimized. How can we help them break this pattern and learn effective ways to handle difficult times? The children’s book by Karen Gedig Burnett, Simon’s Hook, can help.

Children can get so involved with the emotion of a tease that they react instinctively rather than recognize that often the sole purpose of the tease is to get a reaction. Simon’s Hook compares teases to ‘fishing hooks’ and promotes the idea of “swimming free” of those “hooks”. This offers children a different and more objective view of the teasing process.

Often when children are teased they don’t think they have options – they have to “take the bait” of the person throwing them a “hook”. When people believe they have few options they feel powerless, stuck, or controlled by others. Simon’s Hook shows children many ways to swim around the “hook”. They see that they are not powerless. They have many choices.

Simon’s Hook concentrates on the actions of the “fish”, rather than the “hooks” or the fishermen. This encourages children to focus on their own attitude and behavior, the only part of the interaction they control. Complaining about the other person’s behavior, the cruel “hook” or the unfair situation is counter-productive and leads to feelings of helplessness and self-pity.

By focusing on their own actions children can begin to recognize the power they have – their own personal power. Personal power is not about power over someone else or the situation, but power over ourselves: our attitude, our actions, and our life. An empowered attitude is instrumental in a person’s ability to solve problems throughout life.

Encourage children to view themselves as strong, free “fish” with many choices, no matter what “hooks” the other person uses.

The road of life sometimes has rough spots, obstacles and detours. Often when faced with these difficult situations, youth freeze or react instinctively and impulsively. They don’t know what to do. As caring adults in the lives of youth, we can help develop and nurture skills to navigate these rough patches. Our ultimate goal is for them to be able to handle these bumps and ruts on their own!

By teaching responsibility, ownership and flexibility, we confirm that:
1. You cannot control what happens. You can control how you respond.
2. There are many ways to solve a challenge.
3. Build on success. Use successful strategies to address new challenges.

How to help youth develop the skills they need:
1. Listen and speak with empathy first:
Say things like, “That must be hard.” “Boy, you had a rough day.” “That’s a difficult one to handle.” “It sounds like your feelings are hurt.” “That made you angry.” Then, listen some more . . . often children just want to vent. Then, they can better handle the problem by themselves and move on.

2. After being heard, youth may be ready to problem-solve.
Say things like, “Did you take the bait?” “Someone’s been fishing.” “Did someone throw a hook at you?” “Oh, and you bit.” “How can you swim free?” “How could you avoid that hook?” “I see a hook.” “Were you caught?” “The fish are biting today.” “What are you going to do?” “How could you solve this problem?”

Teaching Problem Solving
– Help youth identify and state the problem
Help youth stay focused on their personal choices and actions: Youth only control their part of the interaction. If they complain, wait, or hope for the other person to change- they may be complaining, waiting, or hoping for a very long time. No matter how unfair the situation, or insensitive the other person, help youth focus on what they control. Encourage and model for youth an active, “I’m going to do something!” approach to problem solving.
– Prompt and encourage the identification of potential strategies or solutions
Brainstorming and role-playing: Help youth develop a repertoire of possible reactions to a problem. Teachers might use a “Three-Minute Huddle” to brainstorm specific strategies (words and actions) and list the responses on chart paper to review before recess.
– For each strategy, ask “What might the consequences be?”
Discuss “Clear Thoughts” (positive-optimistic thinking) and “Mud
Thoughts” (negative, pessimistic thinking): A “Clear Thought” would be “I messed up this time, but I’ll do it better next time.” A “Mud Thought” would be,”I always mess up.” Replacing “Mud Thoughts” with “Clear Thoughts” helps keep youth in control and focused on their personal power and responsibility.
– Talk out which strategies might be the best, and why…
Help youth recognize techniques they have used over time and express confidence that they will find a way to resolve this difficulty, too.
– Commit to stay involved as an ally
Encourage and support youth and their involvement in successful ventures. Highlight their finer qualities. Give examples where you see them exhibit these qualities. Hold out models for them to see how these qualities can benefit them as they grow.
When reviewing challenges and successes, highlight successes, emphasize problem-solving skills and help youth see the transitory nature of most problems.

Be the one youth can count on when they need help.